50 Women Who Could Knock Out Henry Cejudo, Probably | ONE AND DUNN
By Sam Dunn
Henry Cejudo has mainly done two things in 2019: beat up chumps and run his increasingly outlandish mouth. Make no mistake, however-- as just the fourth double champion in UFC history, not to mention the fact that he's got an Olympic gold medal, he's earned the right to talk some big-time trash.
But his latest riff of sneering snark gives me pause.
I don't know about this, Henry.
Folks, Cejudo is the UFC's bantamweight (135 lb.) and flyweight (125 lb.) champion. As great a fighter as he is, he's just not that big a dude. And though his challenge to Valentina Shevchenko is surely done in jest -- all the cheeky credit in the world goes to the wonderfully Andy Kaufman-esque concept of "inter-gender champion" -- he should really be more careful about whom he's calling out.
Because Valentina Shevchenko's nickname is Bullet, and her feet will shoot you in the face.
But I'm not so sure that Shevchenjko is the only woman who would have a chance to give the champ-champ the business. I can actually think of 50 right off the top of my head.
50 Women Who Could Beat Up Henry Cejudo Besides Valentina Shevchenko
1) Lyanna Mormont
2) Phoebe Buffay (that height and reach advantage!!)
3) Renata Klein with baseball bats instead of hands
4) Mulan
5) Baby-Sitters Club, The
6) Glenn Close in "Dangerous Liaisons" OR "Fatal Attraction"
7) Ellie from "The Last of Us"
8) Grace Jones in a gown made out of antique mirrors
9) Lucille Bluth
10) Danai Gurira
11) Olivia Benson's pill-addicted daughter, Minerva
12) Elphaba
13) "Henrietta Cejuda"
14) Julia Stiles in "10 Things I Hate About You"
15) Chick-fil-A cow (any)
16) Amanda Peet in "Saving Silverman"
17) Amanda Nunes' long-lost cousin, Amandananda
18) Nurse Ratched
19) Kathy Bates in "Misery" (fourth-round stoppage)
20) Frida Kahlo's adamantium unibrow
21) Moms Mabley
22) Gwendolen Christie with her off-hand only
23) Veruca Salt (note: not the band that did "Seether")
24) Miss Havisham
25) Alex Mack
26) Lizzo
27) Thelma OR Louise
28) Pippi Longrifle
29) Zelda from "Sabrina the Teenage Witch"
30) Zelda from "Zelda"
31) Zelda Fitzgerald
32) "Gone Girl"
33) Veronica Corningstone
34) Ahsoka Tano
35) Miss Marple
36) Pretty Little Liar (any)
37) Maribella Lancer
38) Asha Rangappa
39) Tifa from FFVII
40) Abby Wambach blindfolded and also she's on fire
41) Hope Solo with forties of Old English taped to both hands
42) Winnie from "The Wonder Years"
43) Azealia Banks (first-ever "verbal submission" in MMA history)
44) Dot from "Animaniacs"
45) Hallie Eisenberg
46) Holly Golightly
47) Holly Godarker
48) Yvette-Nicole Brown
49) Mona-Lisa Saperstein
50) Ruth Bader Ginsburg