Astros Haters Can Celebrate Jose Altuve's 30th Birthday With These Savage Tweets
By Thomas Carannante
Happy 30th birthday to Houston Astros star Jose Altuve! It's been quite a year for ya, right? Between lying at every turn and then giving us countless dishonest interactions with the media ever since the team's cheating scandal broke, you sure deserve to kick back, relax and celebrate.
But sometimes birthdays are about the people celebrating with you, and what better way than to celebrate with a bunch of Astros haters who wish you'd return the 2017 MVP and World Series trophies?
Did that WS even happen for the Astros, according to Google?
Lmao even google knows wassup.. #astros #cheated #YouTrashSon ? #mlb pic.twitter.com/ATJgXHPxkG
— JoezMcfly?? (@JoezMcfLy) April 28, 2020
We hope the little guy is getting in some batting practice during this down time.
Okay but why is Jose Altuve wearing an Aaron Judge jersey? https://t.co/5BHRHlpzEX
— Kyle Kondor ⚾️ (@KyleNYY) May 1, 2020
He better be putting the work in, because there won't be any buzzers when the 2020 season returns!
Jose Altuve having to face pitchers next season without wearing a buzzer to tell him what pitch is coming next... #Astros pic.twitter.com/q53y5RCdZb
— Mark Brockett (@Tuff_Overlord) January 17, 2020
Yankees fans, how do you plan to celebrate the man's special day?
"Wanna congratulate the Astros?"
— 2020 Astros Shame Tour (@AsteriskTour) May 2, 2020
Yankees fans: pic.twitter.com/AsDZmDuKFD
How do you think other teams would've helped him celebrate if the MLB season weren't delayed?
Altuve's first at bat (whenever we play again) @JOSEALTUVE__27 @yankees @Dodgers pic.twitter.com/zuwgJHmXaZ
— pensfan1966 (@pensfan1966) April 29, 2020
Altuve and the Astros aren't just getting blasted by MLB fans ... the NFL is contributing as well!
Rece Davis wrecks Jose Altuve:
— 2020 Astros Shame Tour (@AsteriskTour) April 25, 2020
“I don’t know if anybody’s gonna bang a trash can when a blitz is coming.”
(Via @bmisslich) pic.twitter.com/TWUAbGPcLb
Scratch that ... the entire world is getting in on it.
If 2020 was a baseball player, it would be Jose Altuve.
— Wendy Peffercorn (Sophia lol) (@SophiaIvezaj) April 18, 2020
Happy birthday, Jose, and here's to many more. Let's take a look to see how you'll be doing a few years down the road...
Jose Altuve, in 50 years, finally learning how to hit a slider without buzzers or trashcans pic.twitter.com/oZKszUHJ6v
— Jake Montgomery (@JakeM0NTGOMERY) February 13, 2020
Turn off your notifications, buddy, or else it's going to be a miserable quarantine celebration.