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Metta World Peace Promises That if You're Not Self-Quarantining, He's Going to Come After You

By Sam Dunn

The man formerly known as Ron Artest is taking the COVID-19 threat incredibly serious. You'd better stay home, people!
The man formerly known as Ron Artest is taking the COVID-19 threat incredibly serious. You'd better stay home, people! /

Metta World Peace is a certain type of force of nature on par with gravity, the wind, and the direction in which your toilet water swirls when it flushes. If he so chooses, he's an immovable object. Such is the condition of the man born Ron Artest and born and raised in the Queensbridge projects of New York's most far-reaching borough.

If you think Ron-Ron isn't pondering these days of COVID-19 long and hard, you thought wrong. In fact, if you had any designs on playing around and not staying home in self-quarantine today, Metta is going to enforce quarantine orders with a level of ruthlessness befitting that of a bruising, unyielding NBA Defensive Player of the Year.

We need this right now.

You've seen all those live shots of crowded beaches in Florida, right? You've seen the packed church services, right? The lines outside way too may bars and restaurants? It's all dangerous and it's all outrageously preventable.

We can't all be MJ.

If Metta has to come and deal with you himself, he's ready to do it. And if you're the kind that has the sheer audacious stupidity to bring that kind of pain on yourself, you're going to get exactly what you deserve.