Philip Rivers' Next Job After NFL Retirement is Already Set and it's Not What You Expected

The next few years are fairly set for Philip Rivers. Take snaps under center behind a superior offensive line in Indianapolis, stare down a few late-game comeback attempts, rely on the running game, and profit.

But what's next for Phil in retirement? Broadcasting, right? Maybe a year off to perfect the art of chip-dipping, and then ESPN comes calling?

Well, apparently not. As of Friday afternoon, Rivers has agreed to be the head football coach of St. Michael Catholic High School in Alabama. They held a press conference and everything!

Rivers' smirk looks right at home.

The school's AD will be the interim head coach until whenever Rivers is ready to arrive on campus, and the Cardinals must be crossing their fingers for that day to arrive sooner rather than later. Sorry, seniors! This just isn't your year -- for multiple reasons, but, yeah, also this.

Back in the day, when Tony Romo was first beginning to prosper on CBS, Rivers threw cold water on rumors that he might someday follow a similar path.

However, speculation began to ramp up about the gunslinger as a potential Monday Night Football fit, as the network continued to struggle in recent months to find a permanent solution. It's now entirely clear Rivers isn't it, though, unless MNF relocates entirely to an Alabama high school.