Texas Rangers Announce They're Flushing All Toilets in New Stadium in Bizarre 'Super Flush' Event
By Adam Weinrib
In case you're a furious Houston Astros fan disillusioned by an entire offseason's worth of cheating scandal talk, it's not too late to swap your allegiance to the Texas Rangers.
They've got a great rotation, they've built a new stadium that's basically an exact replica of your Minute Maid Park in H-Town, and if that's not enough, they're now planning to flush every single toilet in their new ballpark at once, in an event fueled by kids.
The Rangers announced a media event at Globe Life Field on Tuesday in which every new toilet at the stadium will be flushed at 10:30 a.m. for the first time. It’s called “Super Flush” and will be conducted by local students.
— Sam Blum (@SamBlum3) February 14, 2020
LONG. LIVE. SUPER FLUSH.
God bless the local students who were selected to take part in this, too. What a great group of kids, who've surely dreamed of being lauded for flushing loudly their entire lives.
No word yet on whether they'll be taking the next step and honoring this offseason by incorporating some Astros Swirlies after the initial flush/having a ceremonial "Unclog the Altuve" presentation in the aftermath.
Surprisingly, not every Rangers fan was on board with this, though.
No need for "super flush" if they had troughs!! #SaveTheTrough!
— cbw (@JimCBW) February 14, 2020
Come on, man, troughs?! We left the 1980s behind for a reason. There should be a global trough ban by now.
Do NOT let that hashtag trend.