Things More Likely Than Mike Tauchman and Gio Urshela Dominating for Yankees in 2019 | ADAM BOMB

Gio Urshela and Mike Tauchman, the two best players in Major League Baseball, are conveniently both members of the New York Yankees, the team that remains unfair because all they do is buy their stars. Their stars, once again, are Gio Urshela and Mike Tauchman.

Coming into the season, no one saw Urshela, a no-hit retread who'd flamed out in Toronto and Cleveland, and Tauchman, a 28-year-old rookie who had yet to hit over .100 in small big league cameos, coming.

In fact, here's a list of events that were more likely to happen entering 2019 than Tauchman rivaling Mike Trout and Urshela exceeding Miguel Andujar's 2018 season:

-Bryce Harper living up to his contract

-Mariano Rivera failing to be elected to the Hall of Fame on the first ballot

-The New York Giants making the correct draft pick at No. 6

-Derek Jeter doing something described as neither "cold" nor "calculating"

-James Paxton pitching two scoreless first innings in a row

-Giancarlo Stanton receiving universal praise from Yankee fans. "He just plays the game the right way," 700,000 fans would chant in unison.

-The Colorado Rockies relocating permanently to London in an effort to challenge the all-time home run record for a decade in a single season

-Masahiro Tanaka pumping his fist wildly and gyrating after retiring Trey Mancini on a soft grounder

-Angel Stadium being renamed "Mike Trout Field at the Trout Center"

-The Mets buying Marcus Stroman at the deadline, selling no one, then immediately morphing into world-beaters...no, wait, scratch that.

-Brett Gardner retiring midseason to endorse his own brand of windsocks

-Dane Cook's "There's Only One October" playoff commercials from 2007 winning an incredibly delayed Peabody

-Madison Bumgarner rocking a "Let the Kids Play" shirt

-The Tampa Bay Rays recording a sellout

-Derek Jeter returning to the Bronx to thunderous applause, announcing that he "forgot his keys" and was "just grabbing them," then exiting to thunderous boos

-Mike Francesa admitting he was wrong about something, then moving to a Moon Colony

-The Red Sox returning the exact same roster that won 108 games, then struggling to stay in the Wild Card race...no, wait, scratch that, too.

-Gavin Rossdale from Bush being hired as the Cincinnati Reds' new manager

-The Dodgers and Angels merging to form a Los Angeles super-team that plays in both leagues simultaneously

-Brian Cashman releasing a jazz fusion album

-Someone actually sitting in the corporate seats at Yankee Stadium

-Moderate Dems supporting Medicare for All

-Sentient bananas

-Mike Tauchman and Gio Urshela combining to hit one single homer before both being cut by the end of April.

Instead, we got this. What a wonderful world.